It's not about weight - part 2

Don't judge my posture - I'm not
focused because I am in paradise.
Go ahead and judge my bathing suit
though - it totally deserves it.

But it kind of is. 

You see, while we were in Nicaragua last winter we spent several days at Rise Up Surf Camp, with really fit people in revealing bathing suits.  I was not a member of The Beautiful Bikini Body Club.  I had my own very exclusive club - the I Just Turned 40 So I Thought I Should Buy a Modest Two-Piece At Walmart For This Trip Club.

I had no choice but to face my feelings about my weight head-on.  I was happy I hadn't tried to willpower myself into reaching some arbitrary number before the trip.   I was not happy knowing that I was not at my healthiest or most comfortable weight.  But "I was what I was", as everyone loves to say.  So I accepted that as best I could.  My sweetheart could give a more honest appraisal of how well I did at that.

The mindful eating resources that I like (for example, this one) speak directly to weight loss, and how you shouldn't get all hung up about it.  One practitioner advocates a "weight-neutral" approach.  This concept appeals to me, but I keep stepping on the scale to see if my mindful eating practice is "working".

Now, 6 months after I started writing this post, I FINALLY get it!  Mindful eating is really just about developing a truly healthy relationship with food.  Like, say, eating something nourishing to your body and soul when you are hungry, and not eating when you are not physically hungry.  You know, obvious stuff like that, that's much easier to read about than to do.  

Weight management has so much baggage wrapped up in it - physiology, genetics, cooking habits, lifestyle, unrealistic expectations, etc. etc. etc.  Mindful eating deals with the fundamentals - what you put in your mouth, and how much you enjoy that.  

In my field of work there's a lot of talk of the 3-legged stool of sustainability.  Without one of the legs your stool just becomes a tripping hazard.  The 3-legged stool of a healthy and happy body (for me), is mindful eating, healthy food habits (like making lunch the night before and having a fridge well-stocked with vegetables), and adequate physical activity.  Mindful eating on its own probably won't have a major effect on what my body looks like, and that's fine.  But I can't make positive changes to my physical health without mindful eating.  

Uh-oh - now I have one of my least favourite Michael Jackson's songs trying to sneak into my head...

It's not about weight - part 1

According to Weight Watchers this lovely
young lady is "overweight".  According to me
she is fit and healthy - check out the quads!

At some point last year I decided I was DONE with looking at this perfectly healthy, attractive, strong body and judging it negatively.   For 20+ years I've been trying to "manage" my weight so I could achieve an arbitrary ideal.  Funnily enough, I could never reach that ideal.  Every single day I'd look in the mirror or step on the scale and feel disappointed, frustrated, etc, etc, blah, blah, blah.

You know how the definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result"?

Mindful eating was my insanity antidote.  Rather, the books I've read on it were.  No more barrage of negative thoughts every morning.  My body tells me what it needs.  I make choices.  What I see is the outcome.  It's pretty simple.

I have a big birthday coming up this month.  Until recently I had a ridiculous goal: I wanted to weigh "1$0" pounds by the time I turned "$0" (I'm being cryptic - it's a riddle).  Thank you mindful eating gurus (I'm talking to you, Charles Eisenstein) for helping me ditch that goal!  I've weighed 1$0 pounds exactly thrice since I was 23 years old:


1. When I was in graduate school and walked one hour to get to school and home every day.  Oh, and I also swam, played squash (sure miss that free gym membership you get when you go to university), rollerbladed, and had no money for delicious things. 
2. When I had the Norwalk virus. 
3. In my early 30s when I was training for a triathlon.  The training didn't get me to 1$0 - a crazy cleanse during which I got so weak I couldn't even open the lid of my jar of meal replacement powder almost did.  I think I was "1$2" for a day - and then I started eating again. 

Not EXACTLY words to live by, but close...
maybe "Eat what your body needs or what you will fully enjoy..."

1$0 pounds is not a healthy goal for me, regardless of what Weight Watchers and all the BMI charts led me to believe.  I'm glad I finally realized and accepted that.  What a relief to not be stressing over that stupid number and wasting precious moments of my life not being grateful for the body I have.  I know it's not perfect.  I think I would feel better and be able to fit into more of my nice clothes if I lost another 5 or so pounds.  But the only way I'm going to get there (if at all) is by slow, deliberate, sustainable (and therefore permanent) lifestyle change. 

There may come a day when I know I am eating mindfully as consistently as possible, and I still don't fit into some of my pants.  I'm OK with that.  What a weight off my shoulders!